Sometimes I come home from Sunday school and feel like I learned, grew, and even shared some words of wisdom. I feel like I "get it." Then, out of nowhere, self-focused emotions rear their ugly heads and come out of my mouth.
I've been studying prayer for over 15 months. I've learned a lot and feel like I've grown in many ways. Yet, when I think I know how to handle myself, something triggers anger and resentment, and -- although I know I'm being unreasonable -- I speak. Not in a loving way. Not in a way that edifies or reveals the love of Him whom I wish to honor. I speak my mind, complete with a whiny voice and facial expressions that show exactly who I am most concerned about. Me.
Today's trigger was a "decoration" my husband added to a corner of the porch. He's done quite a bit of porch "decorating" in much the way a man decorates his den or man cave -- neither of which he has in our current home. And I try to be gracious while subtly indicating I would like him to stop. Stop adding guy stuff. Stop putting holes in the siding. Stop filling corners with things that serve no function other than collecting dust, dirt, and eventually mold from summer's hot, humid air.
The thing is, I do understand he would like a hang-out-and-relax space of his own. The shed under the carport is filled with all matter of dusty, dirty man-clutter, including "decorations" I've banned from our common living space. His man-clutter has expanded into the carport, the very area most people walk through to get to our entry doors. And while both spaces are filled with his stuff, neither is the type of place where he can put up his feet, have a cold beverage, and watch a game on a large-screen TV.
I, on the other hand, have a couple spaces in the house that are "mine." I created a quiet-time corner in the bedroom with a chair, table, photos, and artifacts related to my spiritual journey. Journaling supplies are in a basket on the table's shelf, so I can move my "corner" around the house if I choose. I also carved out a work area in a small room overlooking the porch. When I'm sitting at the narrow desk, I can see things I've gathered that have meaning to me, as well as through the porch to the view beyond. Neither area is a room in itself; although I've filled them with things meaningful to me, they are part of the common areas I share with my husband.
Today's trigger was a "decoration" my husband added to a corner of the porch. He's done quite a bit of porch "decorating" in much the way a man decorates his den or man cave -- neither of which he has in our current home. And I try to be gracious while subtly indicating I would like him to stop. Stop adding guy stuff. Stop putting holes in the siding. Stop filling corners with things that serve no function other than collecting dust, dirt, and eventually mold from summer's hot, humid air.
The thing is, I do understand he would like a hang-out-and-relax space of his own. The shed under the carport is filled with all matter of dusty, dirty man-clutter, including "decorations" I've banned from our common living space. His man-clutter has expanded into the carport, the very area most people walk through to get to our entry doors. And while both spaces are filled with his stuff, neither is the type of place where he can put up his feet, have a cold beverage, and watch a game on a large-screen TV.
I, on the other hand, have a couple spaces in the house that are "mine." I created a quiet-time corner in the bedroom with a chair, table, photos, and artifacts related to my spiritual journey. Journaling supplies are in a basket on the table's shelf, so I can move my "corner" around the house if I choose. I also carved out a work area in a small room overlooking the porch. When I'm sitting at the narrow desk, I can see things I've gathered that have meaning to me, as well as through the porch to the view beyond. Neither area is a room in itself; although I've filled them with things meaningful to me, they are part of the common areas I share with my husband.
However, two important things make my behavior today unreasonable. The first is that my husband should have a place in our home where he can relax and view treasures that give him pleasure. He does like to sit on the porch and listen to music, watch TV, or just watch who's passing by the house. Other than his favorite chair, it's the place he most frequently hangs out.
The second thing is even more important. This is not my home. Every single piece of it, from furnishings to the screws that hold it together, are on loan to me. It is an amazing blessing: a place of refuge and safety, equipped with luxuries like hot water and comfortable beds. It is more than I deserve, more than billions of people around the world have. And absolutely none of it will go HOME with me when my time comes.
Paul stated in Philippians 4:11 that he was never in need because he learned to be content in all circumstances. The first part is clearly true for me. I just need to work on the second part.
The second thing is even more important. This is not my home. Every single piece of it, from furnishings to the screws that hold it together, are on loan to me. It is an amazing blessing: a place of refuge and safety, equipped with luxuries like hot water and comfortable beds. It is more than I deserve, more than billions of people around the world have. And absolutely none of it will go HOME with me when my time comes.
Paul stated in Philippians 4:11 that he was never in need because he learned to be content in all circumstances. The first part is clearly true for me. I just need to work on the second part.
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