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A Woman of Faith

I'm not a preacher, preacher's wife, inspirational speaker, Christian comedienne, singer, musician, or published writer. I'm just an ordinary woman who's working on living out my faith one day and situation at a time.

A little about me

Unreasonable

3/26/2017

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Sometimes I come home from Sunday school and feel like I learned, grew, and even shared some words of wisdom. I feel like I "get it." Then, out of nowhere, self-focused emotions rear their ugly heads and come out of my mouth.

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I've been studying prayer for over 15 months. I've learned a lot and feel like I've grown in many ways. Yet, when I think I know how to handle myself, something triggers anger and resentment, and -- although I know I'm being unreasonable -- I speak. Not in a loving way. Not in a way that edifies or reveals the love of Him whom I wish to honor. I speak my mind, complete with a whiny voice and facial expressions that show exactly who I am most concerned about. Me. 

​Today's trigger was a "decoration" my husband added to a corner of the porch. He's done quite a bit of porch "decorating" in much the way a man decorates his den or man cave -- neither of which he has in our current home. And I try to be gracious while subtly indicating I would like him to stop. Stop adding guy stuff. Stop putting holes in the siding. Stop filling corners with things that serve no function other than collecting dust, dirt, and eventually mold from summer's hot, humid air.

The thing is, I do understand he would like a hang-out-and-relax space of his own. The shed under the carport is filled with all matter of dusty, dirty man-clutter, including "decorations" I've banned from our common living space. His man-clutter has expanded into the carport, the very area most people walk through to get to our entry doors. And while both spaces are filled with his stuff, neither is the type of place where he can put up his feet, have a cold beverage, and watch a game on a large-screen TV. 

I, on the other hand, have a couple spaces in the house that are "mine." I created a quiet-time corner in the bedroom with a chair, table, photos, and artifacts related to my spiritual journey. Journaling supplies are in a basket on the table's shelf, so I can move my "corner" around the house if I choose. I also carved out a work area in a small room overlooking the porch. When I'm sitting at the narrow desk, I can see things I've gathered that have meaning to me, as well as through the porch to the view beyond. Neither area is a room in itself; although I've filled them with things meaningful to me, they are part of the common areas I share with my husband.

However, two important things make my behavior today unreasonable. The first is that my husband should have a place in our home where he can relax and view treasures that give him pleasure. He does like to sit on the porch and listen to music, watch TV, or just watch who's passing by the house. Other than his favorite chair, it's the place he most frequently hangs out.

The second thing is even more important. This is not my home. Every single piece of it, from furnishings to the screws that hold it together, are on loan to me. It is an amazing blessing: a place of refuge and safety, equipped with luxuries like hot water and comfortable beds. It is more than I deserve, more than billions of people around the world have. And absolutely none of it will go HOME with me when my time comes.

Paul stated in Philippians 4:11 that he was never in need because he learned to be content in all circumstances. The first part is clearly true for me. I just need to work on the second part.


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A Different Start

11/9/2016

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I've felt blue all day today. I know why, but it's been hard to shake off the feeling. It's also hard to articulate. Our country is hanging under a dark cloud, and while I'm confident God is in control, I'm worried He is so disappointed in what we've become that He is about to issue devastating consequences.

I am a spoiled girl, wealthy by many standards. It's not that I am Rockefeller wealthy -- far from it! But my modest lifestyle is full of luxuries: hot showers, a comfortable bed, a cozy home, more clothes than I can wear, an auto that runs well, vacations, plenty of food, health - and health insurance for when I'm not quite healthy - family, friends, and neighbors to help me out if I need it.  I'm so used to these things that I can easily forget I didn't always have them, and that many people in this world still don't. However, every material thing I have and every breath I take belong to God. He blesses me with all these riches now, but they are His, and He can take them back any time He wants.
  

Nothing in this election, either nationally or locally, has been encouraging or hope-inducing. Our choices for national leadership boiled down to the lesser of evils, and frankly, it was hard to determine who that was. I'm relieved the barrage of television and postal ads is over, but my unease is still there. 

I recently read the book A Tale of Three Kings by Gene Edwards. I read it twice because although it was a short read, it was so rich in points to ponder that it deserved it. It offers insights into the reigns of Saul, David, and Absalom, which can easily be applied to what's happening in American politics. It also offers hope because God was, and is now, always in control. It helped me to understand that my view is narrow, but God's vision is all-encompassing. I really don't need to know the ginormous picture; I just need to trust in Him.

In the midst of yesterday's election day tensions, I happened across the web article "10 Things You Should Know about the Election" that puts things in Christian perspective. I found comfort in the article, particularly in points 5 (Gratitude is in order,) 9 (Christians should not allow the nature of politics in our country to affect our behavior for the worse,) and 10 (Christians should never lose sight of the two cities distinction set forth by Augustine.) It was worth reading. And rereading.

In this moment, I am grateful for writers whose experience and wisdom can help me understand and navigate through man's world as a God's girl. And I'm grateful I can use words to help dissipate anxiety about things I cannot control. 
#electionstress, #electionoutcomeanxiety, #gratitude

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Starting Yet Again

8/29/2015

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An entire year since I wrote my second entry. Which was 8 months after the first. I might be wondering if I am really going to do this. Well, I am.

Some months back, my sister asked if I'd like to do a Facebook page focusing on inspiration and Christian humor. I said yes, of course, even though I knew I didn't have the time or the discipline to do it. But she was excited, and I like doing social media projects with her since we live so far apart. "Oh, For the Love of God" is a labor of sisterly love, and it is keeping me more consistent with daily devotions. How? Because I am the source of the Bible verses posters. I began by using backgrounds provided by YouVersion's Holy Bible app, but I'm now using some of my pictures. 

Despite not working on this page, I am growing. I am praying much more for others, and seeing His answers in amazing ways. I still don't know what will happen with this page. Maybe nothing. But this is the third start. Maybe the third time's a charm. 
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Starting Again

8/16/2014

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Clearly my first entry was a false start of sorts. 

In rereading what I was thinking nearly eight months ago, I see my plan, intentions and desires. In the lack of entries between then and now, I see a personal truth. I am not a natural journal-writer.

I recently wrote about how little I've changed in 40-some years. In the writing I focused on how much time I still waste, and my continual tendency to procrastinate. Ironically, I've been quite consistent in both those things for decades, and yet inconsistency is emerging as one of my less desirable traits. Apparently my ability to be consistent is limited to areas I perceive as negative: Being judgmental. Seduction by material things. Procrastinating. Wasting time. Eating for reasons other than hunger. The list grows the longer I think about it.


It's time for me to pick myself up for the umpteenth time and recommit to thinking aloud on paper. There is so much in my head that gets lost, and I know in my soul God is growing me but I don't always see it because I don't keep track. My failures shout at me. My progress whispers. Truth is, in my old, inconsistently kept journals, I do see the child I was. She wasn't always nice in her head or actions. My adult me is nicer in both. That is progress. 

Today I begin again. It may take awhile for this project to grow into whatever it's supposed to be, but God won't give up on me.
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#freshstart, #Christianwoman, #procrastination, #thinking aloud
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It's a Start

12/29/2013

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It's difficult to know where to begin with this new e-journal, so I've decided to just...well... type. November was the month of thanks, and like in 2012, some of my friends were Facebooking things they were thankful for each day. To me it felt so last year, so I did nothing. I am thankful for so many things, and even more so for the blessings I don't recognize. But saying thankyouthankyouthankyou doesn't mean much after awhile. True gratitude is an emotion that should demand attention from my mind, some contemplation and processing. Making a quick list - on FB or even in a journal - doesn't quite rise to that level.

One of my (many!) on-going spiritual struggles is keeping in the moment when reading devotionals, participating in Sunday school, listening to our pastor preach, or singing praise music. It's amazing how my body can be there, appropriate expression displayed on my face, even words coming out of my mouth, but my mind is somewhere else. If I compare my communication patterns with God to my communication patterns with others in my life, it's clear that it takes effort to not think about me when interacting with family and friends. I have to consciously move the me-thoughts aside to focus on the other(s). Sadly, it takes MORE effort to not think about me if the conversation is with God. Without a concrete, physical being right in my face, I can barely make it through 60 seconds without getting distracted! How pathetic is that! 

Writing can help keep my mind focused. Sometimes. I do tend to get distracted by semantics and grammar. In this setting, that could be like focusing more on what I'll wear to church rather than my reason for being there. But I've felt a nudge to do this, to try and articulate the mishmash of thoughts on my spiritual growth in a print forum. In January 2013, when I started my first blog, I wondered if it should be for a Christian audience. Sometimes there were just things I wanted to say, but that space didn't seem to be the right one for them. It's not that my faith is a secret; most of the few who've been reading it know me. Maybe it was because I created that one primarily to work on the craft of writing. I really didn't have a plan for it beyond that. So I waited. The nudges kept coming.

I've been reading some Christian blogs. Generally they don't attract large audiences. Maybe that's how it should be. Maybe this space is mostly for me to explore my faith thoughts, and the audience beyond myself and God will be none. But I'm going to put this out there into cyberspace because I need to start somewhere. May as well start here.
#Christian, #Christianwriting, #Christianblog
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