Clearly my first entry was a false start of sorts.
In rereading what I was thinking nearly eight months ago, I see my plan, intentions and desires. In the lack of entries between then and now, I see a personal truth. I am not a natural journal-writer.
I recently wrote about how little I've changed in 40-some years. In the writing I focused on how much time I still waste, and my continual tendency to procrastinate. Ironically, I've been quite consistent in both those things for decades, and yet inconsistency is emerging as one of my less desirable traits. Apparently my ability to be consistent is limited to areas I perceive as negative: Being judgmental. Seduction by material things. Procrastinating. Wasting time. Eating for reasons other than hunger. The list grows the longer I think about it.
In rereading what I was thinking nearly eight months ago, I see my plan, intentions and desires. In the lack of entries between then and now, I see a personal truth. I am not a natural journal-writer.
I recently wrote about how little I've changed in 40-some years. In the writing I focused on how much time I still waste, and my continual tendency to procrastinate. Ironically, I've been quite consistent in both those things for decades, and yet inconsistency is emerging as one of my less desirable traits. Apparently my ability to be consistent is limited to areas I perceive as negative: Being judgmental. Seduction by material things. Procrastinating. Wasting time. Eating for reasons other than hunger. The list grows the longer I think about it.
It's time for me to pick myself up for the umpteenth time and recommit to thinking aloud on paper. There is so much in my head that gets lost, and I know in my soul God is growing me but I don't always see it because I don't keep track. My failures shout at me. My progress whispers. Truth is, in my old, inconsistently kept journals, I do see the child I was. She wasn't always nice in her head or actions. My adult me is nicer in both. That is progress.
Today I begin again. It may take awhile for this project to grow into whatever it's supposed to be, but God won't give up on me.
Today I begin again. It may take awhile for this project to grow into whatever it's supposed to be, but God won't give up on me.
#freshstart, #Christianwoman, #procrastination, #thinking aloud
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